Last year I had the immense privilege of being in, what I would deem as a very good relationship. I was the happiest I had been up to that point. Growth was a weekly encounter. A lot of dreams were seeing the first fruits of fruition. It was a very excellent time for me. I’m a much better man from having had that experience.
Although, it’s left me with some soreness of heart and hesitancies for future relationships, I consider it a net gain. I’ve picked up a lot of good from it and, well, some lessons too.
Little Less Selfish
Being a bachelor means that I have hundreds of moments a day that I get to think about and worry about what I want or think I need. Seeing that I’ve gotten into the dating game later than many, I had even more time to worry about what ever it is that 20 something guys worry about.
I could see where being in an unhealthy relationship could build up the urges to practice or want selfishness. But I didn’t have a negative relationship; it was fairly good on many fronts; at least for as many categories as I have concerning it.
I was able to, for the first time, really think about someone else. I have always had preferences for how I presented myself but she mentioned a few things that she preferred. I opted for that position and thought a little less about what I thought of myself. She had her hobbies and I had mine, but after many months her hobbies started to look a lot like mine.A couple small anecdotes.
A thousand small things all slowly changed. So now, as I go through my days, I still notice the changes that I’ve made. Many were changes that forced me to be more observant and less selfish. I’m thankful for a grander view of the world. One where I’m a little more out of the center. Still working on that though.
Much More Confident and Way More Comfortable
There’s something about sitting across from someone you love. Sharing laughs, dreams, day-to-day matters. After many such dinners and evenings like this, you start to bring the guards down and show someone the real contours of your soul and mind. It’s impossible to hide yourself and such, you’re exposed.
Having had that very privilege, coming out of it I am much more confident than I have ever been in life. I learned that the true me isn’t all that bad and that I have something to offer people. Albeit, I offer it on the strange plate that has come to be my quirky personality, I do so holding no punches and having little reservation. The Chris that God has made is good. I would do well to own it and help others.
I am also way more comfortable in almost every situation. I’ve sat at interviews, I’ve been on dates, I’ve presented at meetings, and spoken with people with an ease that is uncharacteristic of the Chris that people who watched me grow up know. I understand who I am and what I have to offer much better now. Something that no one can take from me.
A Little More Eager for Heaven
I’d consider myself as having a robust theology of God in that I know that He is good even though this world is very much less than. With the passing of this relationship I got to see first hands evil in me. It sounds weird, but there was a lot of selfishness in me. There still is I presume. I was dealing with a lot of short sightedness. I focused more on what I wanted than what God wanted. I prayed for my will more than His.
Coming through that, I am eager for the restoration of everything. I want this sanctification I’m going through to be complete. I’m tired of my fleeting desires and dreams. I’ve tasted heartbreak that may taint my heart for a long time to come. I’ve been wounded in areas that aren’t quick to heal.
Heaven is real and it’s my hope. After going through this, I see that this is not where I belong; not what I was made for, ultimately. I was made to be in the presence of God and I will be made complete when that is able to take place.
I’m a little more eager for heaven, a place where all my hurt and pain will be vindicated through the Glory of Jesus. I’ll be able to bring glory to God for the rest of my days, and somewhere in the throng, will be a girl doing the same. This life is silly. We come out of it so bruised, yet what’s waiting for us on the other side is worth every inch of treacherous mile.
I’m making it. God is good. On to new horizons.